The Occult and the Orgasm: Does Love Have A Place in Sex Magick?

I want to start off by saying that I am going to have an unpopular take on this question. The majority of sex magick texts I have read along with the creators I have listened to, have separated the topics of love and sex magick. In fact, some believe that the presence of love in sexual magick will actually be a detriment. I believe the topic of love and its involvement in sex magick has way too much nuance to be completely dismissed without properly addressing and acknowledging its existence.

Before one can begin a discussion on sex magick, one must began the conversation on sex and sexuality. Who do you want to have sex with? What are your prerequisites? Are you uncomfortable with group sex? Will you partake in casual sex? Do you have proper protection? Have you recently been tested? I will be doing an entire blog post on sexual safety - I feel that the discussion of general sex education and safety is a necessity if we are going to be talking about sexual magick - however, there are a few other questions that I would like to focus on: prerequisites, casual, and group sex.

I caution against sexual magick practitioners and teachers, speaking against the presence of love in someone’s magickal routines. When you do this you create two problems. The first - and less controversial one - is that by demanding love to be left out of the equation you exclude all individuals who have love as a prerequisite for sex. Some people will not have sex with someone that they do not love. This can be for moral reasons, this could be for intimacy reasons, past traumas, or even sexuality. In fact, on the asexual spectrum, demisexual individuals, do not experience sexual attraction until a bond has been established. In many cases this bond must be romantic or platonic love.

The second - and more controversial problem - that is caused by peaking against the presence of love, is that it feeds into unhealthy amounts of disinformation. Sex Magick, especially neo-sexual magick practices, are heavily based on this idea of rebellion. Sex Magick is about defying what is societally acceptable, challenging social norms, and breaking down gender roles. While Sex Magick can and does do these things it is not MANDATORY for all sex magick ritual to be driven by a more political motive. Another layer of disinformation I sex magick, is that couples are incapable of being involved in larger sex magick groups and practices. This belief is founded on societal monogamy norms and "traditionality", which is completely contradictory to the previously stated complaint. Many individuals - myself included - do not see a relationship as a blood and chain binding experience. All emotions, desires, and attractions are open for discussion even ones that are directed outside of the relationship. Many individuals in modern day society are embracing open relationship styles and polyamory. So while group settings may not work for some couples, there are others that will fit in just fine. The final; a layer of disinformation is that love and sex are contradictory magick forms and the presence of both will diminish the energy projected. While this argument does make more sense to me I do not necessarily agree with it. Before I explain my disagreement though, I will explain my agreement. Sex Magick is about turning physical sensations into metaphysical outcomes, Love Magick is about turning metaphysical sensations, into physical outcomes. While the two do mirror each other, they do not completely oppose one another. Sex and Love Magick both involve the transference between metaphysical and physical. Sex Magick is all about working with energy. The energy projected by the orgasm is often the main, if not the only, source of energy discussed in sex magick. There are of course more energies at play in sexuality that we can pull into the discussion, and I believe “Love” can serve as a source for those energies. Rather than using metaphysical energies to bring up or renew feelings of love, the incorporation of love into a sex magick ritual, allows the practitioner to channel the individual energy of the other(s) involved through the bond of love you share.

Simply put, love magick is not a necessity nor a detriment to sex magick. It can be incorporated or left out of the rituals entirely and is up for discussion for each individual involved.